I’m starting this blog for the sake of my sanity. For one, because I do not have anyone, aside from therapists, that I can talk with face-to-face about anything deep. My friends all got married and quit hanging out together. Second, aside from therapists, I have no-one supportive in my life. The people in my life get confused, they think I’m looking for people who agree with me. Agreeing with me and supporting me are not the same thing. Supporting me is, for lack of a better word, holding me. Letting me know things are going to be okay. I want so much to be held, but I’ve discovered that intimate physical contact–touches, hugs, embraces–are amongst the rarest things in the world.
I have to set up some weird parameters for this blog. First off, I have to keep it public. This can’t be just me talking to myself. I do that way too much of that already–not out of insanity but out of desperation to talk to *someone*. BUT I can’t publicise this blog, for fear of remonstration from those who know me. Which means I know that I’m probably only going to be read by spambots. But I can at least pretend that there is a real human being reading this blog. I also need to keep comments closed. I need one safe space in my life that’s not being paid for by my insurance.